Merry Chirstmas Courtney

Someone make it stop.  Because I just can’t look away from this train wreck.  I’m sorry, but Courtney Stodden is 40 if she’s a day.  This chick is killing me.  Yet, I can’t….stop…watching.  Clearly pleased with the results of her equally skanky pumpkin patch photo shoot, she and her not disgusting at all husband, Doug Hutchinson, decided for a Christmas shoot as well.  The results:

Gorgeous, just gorgeous. Please forgive me if you thought I lost my senses and started posting porn this morning.  Where can I get an armband? I feel like it would really add a little something to my outfits at the office.  I hope my co-worker gets to his desk for anyone else does:

My maturity level is astounding.

 

 

My American Idol Confusion

Why am I watching this show?  What the hell is Randy Jackson wearing?  If I lit a match near Ryan Seacrest’s hair would it catch fire?  So many questions.

It’s become clear to me now that I have a love/hate relationship with this show.  I watched the first season in 2002 with Kelly Clarkson.  Then she went on to film the movie “From Justin to Kelly” and I said I wasn’t watching the show again because that was just nonsense. But Season 2 came around and before the end I was sucked back in.  Then I said I wasn’t watching anymore and meant it.  I made it a few years. In 2007 my roommate and I would have it on in the background occasionally, but I didn’t pay much attention to it.  But then Season 8 came on and I was back again, thanks to Adam Lambert.  Because God knows I can’t resist an androgynous rockstar.  For example:

 

Exceptions:

And this guy who also happens to be a child molester.

 

Anyhoo. Adam Lambert was awesome.  So I was clearly a fan of the show again.  Even if I wished I wasn’t.  And to be fair, I’ve only heard one of Adam’s post Idol songs and it sucks. Bummer.  Let’s move onto the present because I don’t really care that much about last year.  Now we’ve got (1) loony tunes Steven Tyler, who actually kind of cracks me up.  I couldn’t figure out why the hell someone like him would do Idol at first. But he can’t tour anymore due to that head injury last year (sleeping pills when you’re not sleeping – brilliant) and he clearly loves the spotlight, so it actually makes sense in a way.  Plus, plastic surgery is expensive.  Someone’s got to pay his doctor’s bills.  (2) JLo, who almost (I said almost) makes me like her because she’s so effing nice and (3) old standby what’s up dogg Randy Jackson.  But overall there’s really nothing new here and I’ve had a really hard time figuring out why I just can’t turn it off.  Everyone says Reality shows are like car crashes.  They can’t turn away.  But I don’t think that’s it here.
Is it that I can listen to cheesy songs that I secretly love but wouldn’t otherwise listen to in public?  Maybe.  Is it because I like hating on people?  Probably. I don’t really have an answer. But the odds of me being able to turn it off this season are pretty slim.

 

What I’m loving this week

I love Sophia Coppola, so I was pretty stoked when I came across her blog for her new movie “Something.”  I love her super-cool inspiration board.  And correct me if I’m wrong, but Stephen Dorff is still so, so hot.  Thank you Stephen.  Jury is still out on whether Elle Fanning will be as irritating as her sister.  I’ll hold my tongue for now. But check it out.  I bet you’ll be as excited about seeing it as I am:

http://www.scsomewhere.com/

Mozipedia!!!

Someone buy me this stat!!!

Mozipedia: The Encyclopedia of Morrissey and the Smiths

They might as well have just deducted the money from my bank account and sent this to me already.   Oh, how I love Morrissey.  I swear to God he made every second of my teen angst worth it.  And even now I can listen to any album and still know exactly what he means.  Although I don’t think anyone loves Morrissey quite like Goddard.  This is his second book about the Smiths after all.

The book is a 350,000 word alphabetical index of everything Morrissey  – described by one reviewer as “the undertaking of a maniac” and by another as “the next best thing to Morrissey’s autobiography (when he actually writes it).”  Oh, how I wish he would.  It will never happen.

Never underestimate the power of editing

Anyone catch Jon Stewart on Bill O’Reilly?  Here’s what really happened.  Some of you may have thought that Jon Stewart held back.  He did, thanks to the editors over at Fox.

Fox actually put the unedited version of the interview up on its site, and the difference is astounding.

I love Jon Stewart as much as I dislike Bill O’Reilly.

“I know what this is. I come from Jersey—it’s the same thing: “I’m not saying your mother’s a whore. I’m just saying she has sex for money. With people.” Fox News used to be all about, you don’t criticize a president during wartime. It’s unacceptable, it’s treasonous, it gives aid and comfort to the enemy. All of a sudden, for some reason you can run out there and say, “Barack Obama is destroying the fabric of this country.”

Can you tell me how to get, How to get to Sesame Street?

Who knew technology is booming in Sesame Street?

I work for a techie company and even if it isn’t exactly my thing, I must say I’m pretty on top of when new things are out or are on the horizon. I like having the latest cell phones and I like being able to use everything even if I don’t own them. But something funny happened the other day. It was a Saturday morning I just couldn’t get myself going. So after getting my little one up and changed, I plopped her in her activity center with her snack and turned on Sesame Street. I try not to expose her to too much television, but I just needed a few minutes to wash my face and get my caffeine. A caffeinated mom is much better than one trudging through the morning, trust me.  And its Sesame Street for God’s sake.  So I pull myself together and go and sit next to her and look up to see Oscar the Grouch digging for something. A moment later he pops up with his Blackberry. Yes, his blackberry. Is this what the world has come to? As much as I love technology, I just cannot make myself like this.  I am not buying my child a blackberry.  And she’s not playing on a computer all day.  I just read that 31% of kids under the age of 3 are using computers.  I want to play barbies, leggos and catch.  I guess I need to train myself too.  I don’t leave the room without my phone these days.  What if I miss an important Jersey  Shore cast update?  I’m horrible.  I guess its time to practice what I preach.  But its going to be a long road.

Shame on you Oscar the Grouch!

Jeremy London Update

Jeremy London and his wife have both signed on for celebrity rehab.  This almost makes me want to watch just to hear the stories that come out of his mouth.  Almost.

Night Night Linds

I knew that skank was going to the clink!  I’ve been waiting for it for months.  Look at that stupid ‘fuck you’ she has written on her fingernail. This girl is really something else.  The sentence was even more harsh than the prosecutors asked for.  Ninety days in jail followed by ninety days in rehab.  I think 180 days in rehab would probably do her more good, but she totally had this coming.  Who knows how much time she’ll actually serve.  And I am now retracting my statement about her in my last blog calling on her as a new bff for Jeremy London.  Sorry Jeremy, Lindsay is busy.
Perhaps Paris Hilton will give her a buzz to offer some advice.

London calling, er, falling

In light of the recent Jeremy London “kidnapping” and a reference to his brother found in my friend’s blog (http://caffeineandcupcakes.blogspot.com/2010/06/crazy-video-deconstructed.html) I started doing some serious thinking about these two. I’ve always had a hard time telling them apart and who has done what. I just knew that one was slightly cuter than the other.  (That is unfortunately no longer the case.) I was never able to answer who was in Party of Five and who was in Dazed and Confused.  Probably because I never got into Party of Five.  So I’m going to get it straight once and for all and keep it posted so I can refer back to it easily.  Well, at least the well-known stuff.  I have no desire to make an IMDB sized list.

Jason:

The Man in the Moon

To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar

Dazed and Confused

*Wow- it looks as though I’ve missed some classics here….Wasabi Tuna, A Midsummer Night’s Rave, Alien Cargo…sound like classics.  I’m netflixing immediately

Jeremy:

Mall Rats  -still a personal fav

Party of Five

7th Heaven

Ok, so neither of them have had stellar careers exactly,  but they are still somewhat memorable when you think of the 90s.

But wtf Jeremy?  Have you seen yourself lately?  I could ride that bloat on your face up a river if I wanted to.  That stupid kidnapping story is so absurd that I can’t decide whether its funny or angering.  I guess I did sort of laugh. If Rick James was still with us I think he would probably have been in that car.  And now Jeremy is suing his mother and brother to keep them from talking to the media about him, because they have given unauthorized interviews that included “false statements” about him that have damaged his reputation and career.  Yes, that must be it.  I was wondering where it all went wrong.

Look at Jason, Jeremy!  So his career isn’t exactly A list either, but at least he isn’t a cracked out fat face.

Jason:

Jeremy:

Someone get Blohan on the horn, we’ve got a new bff for her.  I’d be surprised if they haven’t hooked up already.

Kerouac + Kristen = a bad road trip

Is anyone else completely turned off by the thought of this movie?  My apologies to any and all Kerouac fans, but fyi, that book is not mind blowing.  I have never understood the obsession over it.  For those of you who haven’t read it and feel like you may have missed out on something because this book has been given so much praise of cultural importance, you haven’t.  It’s all a tedious rambling of self-counsciousness.  I read the book twice.  I thought maybe I was just missing something the first go around and gave it another shot.  But I still thought it sucked.  It’s not even well written.  And so now we’re going to have a movie.  With sour puss I hate everything Kristen Stewart.  This girl really irritates me and the combination of her and this movie is too much.  Not to mention it co-stars old snaggle tooth Kirsten Dunst.  “I’m a vampire too!  Kirsten and Kristen like totally almost rhyme! Besties!”  Hopefully Kirsten won’t drag Kristen down to rehab with her.  That means she might actually have to look like she’s having fun before she gets there.

I have to remind myself that Kristen is still a kid and I think I was probably a total brat at 19 too.  But every time someone takes her picture she acts like she’s five seconds from being gang raped.  And I’m not just saying that.

She explains the process of leaving somewhere and being bombarded by paparazzi to being this. “What you don’t see are the cameras shoved in my face and the bizarre intrusive questions being asked, or the people falling over themselves, screaming and taunting to get a reaction. All you see is an actor or a celebrity lit up but a flash. It’s so… The photos are so… I feel like I’m looking at someone being raped. A lot of the time I can’t handle it. It’s f**ked. I never expected that this would be my life.”

Another favorite:  I’ve never really gone out with someone who I’ve found attractive… initially. Oh, no?  Didn’t find Eddie attractive at first?  This chick is bonkers.  Hopefully she’ll lighten up with age.  Maybe she’ll smile once in awhile.  But my fear is she starts quoting Kerouac all the time.   “Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion.” Can’t you hear it?