Top 10 Annoying People of 2011

And here ladies and gentlemen are the top ten people who made me want to crawl under a rock this year.

10. Dan Snyder (Still)

How I hate thee. You are the worst thing to happen to the Redskins in their entire history and they are doomed until you sell the team. From the second you showed up in 1999 the team has sucked. Might have something to do with the fact that the Redskins have had seven head coaches in twelve years. Year after year you blow money on expensive free agents and trade away draft picks for older players. Why a team of old men is better suited to win games than a group of strapping young men is completely beyond me. Pretty sure I know more about football than you.

You can read about his threatened lawsuit again the City Paper here: http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/citydesk/2011/02/02/snyder-sues/

9. Everyone from Jersey Shore

I myself am a reformed Jersey Shore watcher. It finally got to the point when I just said “what am I doing?” These people are famous because they are spoiled, drunken brats. And because of the show they now have books, workout videos, and even vodka sponsorships. Why in God’s name didn’t I have a reality show when I was younger? I would be SO RICH. Also, hasn’t anyone else noticed that these people are all creepy looking? I’m not sure if creepy is even the right word. But it sure is nicer than saying ugly. And I am so nice. This is the world we live in and its actually quite sad.

 
8. Herman Cain

 
I hate talking politics. So I’m not doing a deep dive here. But I’m almost entirely convinced that Herman Caine ran for president merely to get more chicks. So it was extra cool when he suspended his campaign by saying that his wife and family come first. And then he followed that up by using a quote from Pokemon. I love when stupid outdoes itself. How entertaining for me.

 
7. Ke$sha.

I don’t even know where to start on this one. Oh, wait, yes I do. There is a MOTHER-EFFING DOLLAR SIGN IN YOUR NAME. Thank you for encouraging young girls to go drink a handle of whiskey and then drive around looking for dudes twice your age. And you “sing” like a cat in heat. There is so much to hate about this girl, but I think I’ll leave it here before I go off on a rant and end up pissed off for the rest of the day. No one wants that.

Five seconds away from being chosen for Mugatu's 2011 Derelicte campaign.

 

6. Charlie Sheen

This is kind of a no-brainer.  What a shit-show.  While I admit I was pretty entertained at first it got old pretty quickly ( http://wp.me/pROJ9-bK). If I hear someone say WINNING one more time.  Get over it.

5.  Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay, do yourself (and everyone else) a favor and just go away.  You have killed your reputation and probably most of your brain cells and irritated the living crap out of the rest of us.  Enough is enough. Plus, your plastic surgery face is depressing. But Hugh Hefner says this of her playboy shoot:  “this is a born-again beginning for Lindsay. I think there’s a rooting interest for her.” Right.

the face of an angel

4. Nickleback

I’m not sure if Nickleback really belongs on this list.  Because they are actually the most annoying band of all time. I am fairly certain that anyone not a pre-teen will agree with this.  According to Urban Dictionary:

a mediocre somewhat popular nu-metal band, this time, from Canada, which isn’t a surprise considering their musical track record (Avril, Celine Dion, Barenaked Ladies, etc). Lead singer Chad is an extremely nasal “Marlboro Man” type vocalist who sounds constipated on a permanent basis. Guitar consists mostly of easy-to-play power chords that give the band a “tough” sound to the untrained ear, but a closer look reveals a band that has nothing to offer creatively. They were recently exposed recycling their music in their two hit singles, “How You Remind Me” and “Someday”, which sound nearly identical when played simultaneously.

 3. Michaele Salahi

Poor Michaele.  The Real Housewives of DC were the first of the Housewives series to be canceled.  Someone should have told her that DC is where reality television goes to die.  Then she gets kicked off of Celebrity Rehab.  You know, because you need to actually be addicted to something other than stupid. She was obviously already on the list with her famous White House crashing incident. She also told everyone that she was a former Redskins cheerleader, which has proven false.  But I’m keeping her on the list this year mainly due to the fact that she ran off with Neal Schon, guitarist for Journey. One because its Journey and two because we’ve had to listen to all the whining from her equally irritating husband Tareq.  Also, Schon was two months into a new marriage which he stated he was leaving to be with Michaele.  Her name isn’t even Michaele. It’s Michelle.

2. Glenn Beck (Still)

Glenn Beck is so stupid that I actually laugh at a lot of what he says.  When my dad isn’t in the room at least.  There was the time he said Obama was racist, or the time he compared Al Gore to Hitler, or the time he said those people losing their homes in California to the forest fires had it coming.

My favorite:

“When I see a 9/11 victim family on television, or whatever, I’m just like, ‘Oh shut up’ I’m so sick of them because they’re always complaining.” –”The Glenn Beck Program,” Sept. 9, 2005

Stephen King once called him “Satan’s mentally challenged younger brother.”  Seems right coming from him.  (Is that guy ever not thinking about something scary, btw?)

1. Kim Kardashian

I cannot tell a lie.  I’ve seen Keeping up with the Kardashians.  More than once.  But I swear it was only a few times.  I will not turn it on in fear that I will be sucked into that nonsense again.  Kim Kardashian’s voice is so God awful that I cringe whenever she opens her mouth.  Do I even need to go into the wedding/divorce catastrophe? I don’t care if she did it for publicity or love. I just want people to stop talking about it. If you keep talking about it she will NEVER go away.  I asked my sister if she actually knew where any Kim’s clothes were sold and she was like “yeah, Sears.”  There was no hesitation in her voice.  FML.

And let’s not forget this little number.  So much talent.

Runners up: Ashton Kutcher, Miley Cyrus, A-Rod, the rest of the Kardashians and Michael Lohan.

This is obviously a pretty hateful list.  But that’s just what I do.  Plus, doesn’t it depress you to know that this is the world we are raising our children in? This is why I always have my nose in a Harry Potter book or why I’ve read Peter Pan and the like one million times.  Even as an adult, I struggle with the reality of our world around me.  I hate these people.

I’ve been on Charlie Sheen for years.

I was born with tiger blood in my veins.  As an event planner, I have to come up with clever swag for each event.  Fortunately, I spent a good portion of my youth planning my own events (ok, ok. Keg parties.)  Somewhere in between youth and adulthood, I started planning something in between.  I used to have Julyoween every summer.  I tried to trademark it, but unfortunately you can’t trademark parties.  I’m dead serious.  I really tried to trademark a party.  In 2006, aka the “Summer of Whitney,” (quit your job, decide on where your life is going, spend your savings, party like a rockstar.) I decided to make Julyoween huge.  For those of you that haven’t put it together yet, Julyoween is Halloween in July.  I love dressing up so much that I need halloween twice a year.  I had it at a local music club and it almost sold out the entire place.  We had bands, a dj, games, etc.  So I created t-shirts for prizes and actually managed to sell most of them as well.  The best one:

I was so ahead of my time people.  As a product of the 1990s with a sense of humor always borderline stupid, I created a whole “line” of shirts based on bands in the 90s. The Charlie Sheen shirt was fashioned after an old Rage Against the Machine album (single)cover.  So I’m putting them back into rotation.  I’m working on getting all of my shirts up on an etsy account, but if you’re interested in joining in on the Charlie Sheen bandwagon, you can start here:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/whitney9780

Ah, self promotion at its best.  I hope to have the shop completed by this weekend, so stay tuned.