The Results Are In!

YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER.

I mentioned last week that I requested tickets to the Maury Povich Show. But it was really kind of a joke.  Today I opened my email to find this:

 

Hello this is Joe from the Maury Show Audience Department.  You are receiving this email because you requested free tickets.  You are only one step away from becoming a part of our studio audience!

Currently, we are offering tickets for:

Friday, February 9th

Thursday, February 16th

Thursday, March 1st

ARRIVAL TIME FOR EACH SHOW WILL BE BETWEEN 8:00AM AND 9:00AM.

Simply reply with the date that works best for you and I will gladly send the tickets for the day of your choice.

Please note that if you are unable to attend one of the dates listed above you can visit www.mauryshow.com at any time to request a future show date.

*If any of your information has changed since submitting your original ticket request (below), please indicate them in your reply.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Thank You,

 

DUDE.  I just got tickets to the Maury Povich show.  So now I’m stuck with the dilemma of actually going or not.  This would probably be the funniest thing I will ever in my life witness. I mean, have you ever seen that show?  Those people are unreal. But if it were not a paternity episode I would probably be disappointed. Not only that, but those are all Thursdays and they tape in Stamford.  Is this level of hilarity worth traveling 5.5 hours for?  I’d also have to take a day off of work.  I just don’t know.

The funniest part of all of this is that I am actually really torn over this.  Who am I?

http://holymaurymotherofgod.tumblr.com/

10 Reasons Your Kid Might Be Ridiculous

Your mother is 31 years and old does the following:

10.  Makes you listen to the Phantom of the Opera at the ripe age of 1.  Now you know all the words and love it too.  I’m sure the other kids will relate.  Kids LOVE Phantom of the Opera.

9.  Convinces you to love healthy food.  Such as garbanzo beans which you eat almost daily.  Ok, that’s not ridiculous.  Teaching you to yell “BAAAAAANNANZZZZOOOOS!!!”  before she will give them to you might be.

8.  Made up a variety of bedtime stories and almost all of them involve dragons.  And then she makes your father come in and flap his wings during the dragon parts of the story.

7. Prank calls people: http://wp.me/pROJ9-1T

6.  Posts inappropriate and/or hilarious pictures on her co-worker’s desks.    http://wp.me/pROJ9-pd

5.  Spent an entire night “speaking” in song to your father so he would be annoyed enough to leave her alone and let her watch a movie in peace. Said movie was ‘Twilight.’

4. Created a fake twitter based on someone she knows who says amazing things on a regular basis.  By amazing, I mean unintentionally hilarious.  I won’t tell you who it is, but: @steveisbobo

3.  Recently requested tickets to the Maury Show.  And will totally go if she gets them.

http://www.mauryshow.com/get_tickets.php

2.  Did not create, but may or may not have a small hand in this:  SMELLHAIR.COM

1.  Is working diligently on a side project entitled  “Where Are They Now?: Korn Fans.”

The good news here is that Ava has a pretty good chance of being funny.  But no one tell her about the prank calls please.

If this were a Top 11 List I suppose I could add:

Your mother is so used to talking about dragons that she said” makes your father come in and flap his wings during the dragon parts of the story”  and didn’t think to change it to arms until after editing.

*If you were a Korn fan at one point, or knew someone that was, please let me know and I will pass along the questionnaire.  I was dead serious about that.