What I’m loving this week.

This guy has sass and a half.  I want him to come over and sing Ava to sleep.

Speaking of sleep, this looks hilarious:

“Go the Fuck to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing off to dreamland. Honest, profane, and affectionate, Adam Mansbach’s verses and Ricardo Cortés’ illustrations perfectly capture the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night, and open up a conversation about parenting in the process. Beautiful, subversive, and pants-wettingly funny…”

gothef*cktosleep

It is 420 afterall

What I’m loving this week: Foxy Shazam!

It’s like the Lord above has been reading my blogs and answered my prayers for a new rockstar to fall in love with.  Or, my friend Sean discovered this band and passed it along.  Either way, I’m pretty excited.  As you may know from previous blogs…https://mommyneedsapinot.wordpress.com/2011/04/07/when-in-doubt/  or   https://mommyneedsapinot.wordpress.com/2011/03/30/my-american-idol-confusion/I love a certain kind of rocker.  I love a strong vocal and a heavy dose of theatrics.  Inspirational lyrics and use of adorable children doesn’t hurt either.

Lead singer Eric Nally has clearly invoked the spirit of Freddie Mercury (minus Freddie’s huge chompers luckily) but still has a unique sound of his own.  And the name Foxy Shazam just makes me giggle.  And then kick my leg in the air.  If anyone needs me, I will now be waiting patiently for them to come to town.

’cause there is always a wrong to your right
and there will always be a war somewhere to fight
and god knows i’ve had some rough fucking yeahs (ooh)
oh lord, oh lord, keep on keeping on

Enjoy:

The Big Butt Chronicles

Every spring I actually do what I say I’m going to do at New Year’s and finally get my butt off the couch and get back in shape.  I am not a winter person and have a hard time motivating myself to leave the house…let’s face it, sometimes even the couch.  I am hoping and praying we move somewhere warmer in the next few years.  I really hate cold.  I don’t like bundling up and I see no point in winter unless there’s snow and I’m given some snow days from work.  Every year when February starts to come to a close I curse myself for being a fat-ass and start to get back into shape for summer.  But a funny thing happens after you have a baby.  Your body sucks at listening.  It just doesn’t bounce back the way it used to.  I used to be able to walk the pounds off when I wanted to pretty quickly.  But no longer.  So I’ve been getting down to serious business the past month or two.  Gym, bootcamp, diet, the works.  But my bootcamp instructor really amped the protein up in my diet and suggested protein shakes as well.  I’m no stranger to protein shakes, because I used to steal Big Daddy’s whey protein last year in the “get fit fast” spring and it really helped.  But this year with the added effects of the protein filled diet, the bootcamp and the ridiculous amount of squats and lunges I’ve been doing lately, something else has happened………..

My butt is friggin HUGE dude.  Like omg what the hell happened huge.  As if I got one of those brazillian butt implants or something.  I didn’t really notice at first.  But I was on the scale the other day for the first time in awhile and noticed I had put on a few pounds and couldn’t figure out why.  Then I put a pair of shorts on and found that they were tight in the legs.  Which is really weird for me.  I carry all of my weight in my stomach(and uh, boobs.)  Everything else generally stays the same size more or less.  I just tone up.  So after a minor meltdown I realize that the weight is all muscle because my legs are getting diesel.  I have added at minimum an inch in size to both.  This is soooo not the effect I wanted.  Don’t get me wrong, I think muscles are beautiful and a strong woman is a healthy woman.  But I don’t want to be diesel. At all.

I come from a family of pancake butts.  Seriously, that’s what my mom and aunts all say.  My butt has always been non-existent.  I kind of like having one now, I think, but any bigger and its going to be out of proportion to my body type and I have no desire to go all JLO on everyone.   I don’t know what I’m going to do.  I am afraid I’m going to start looking like this:

 

Except that my stomach is not looking diesel at all.  That I would gladly take.  So not fair.  The only thing I can think of to do is quit the protein shakes and maybe the daily squats and lunges.  And run….and run…and run some more.  But I’m a busy mom.  I work full-time.  I’m planning a wedding.  And I wish I were one of those super-moms that gets up at 5am to work-out before my day, but I’m not.  I don’t know how they do it.  When Ava has nightmares and I’m up with her for 30 minutes in the middle of the night, I just sleep in 30 minutes (if she lets me.) I am not good at losing sleep.  Even a little bit.  She’s getting close to two now and it can still be a balancing act trying to make everything work.   So running everyday is just not in the cards.  I get three work-out nights a week.  Four if I’m lucky.  But if you know me, you know I’m typically not lucky.

But here we are and I have never talked about my butt so much in my entire life and I can’t quit laughing.  I can’t quite believe I’m getting ready to hit the publish button.  If anyone has any suggestions on how to lose big butt status in a short period of time feel free to comment.

 

 

TMZ for KIDZ: Not cool dude.

http://www.tmzforkidz.com/

As if the world isn’t confusing enough for kids, now they have crap like this to read.  I have already banned it from my house and Ava can’t even read yet (Except for dog, ball, nose and eyes…she’s kind of a genius.) I’m so thankful this crap wasn’t around when I was growing up.  I don’t know why its so hard for people to just let kids be kids.  I don’t want Ava comparing herself to celebrities or judging everyone she passes.  I didn’t even know armpit implants existed until I read through this!

Some of my favorite headlines:

Emma Watson: “Swarovski Crystal” Meth is Melting My Face Off!

Shiloh:  I want to be a Man

Hey Girls!  Meet this sexy savant!

I don’t want my kid meeting any sexy savants!  Maybe I’m a little too angry about this.  I was somewhat of a late bloomer and fell closer to the sheltered side.  Maybe I missed some things. Someone tell me, am I wrong here?

When in doubt

I always turn to Freddie.  Need a confidence boost?  Feeling bummed? Can’t get up in the morning?  JUST WANT TO DANCE?  Just look at how Freddie moves.  This man always puts a smile on my face.  He’s so theatrical I just want to throw on the nearest feather boa and jump around a stage with him.  He was the inspiration for one of my all-time favorite parties….Rock & Roll Christmas.  Who doesn’t want to dress up like their favorite rockstar over the holidays?

I am in the process of teaching Ava a routine for Bohemian Rhapsody.  But she’s too little to headbang so we’re having some trouble getting started.

 

Tell me you aren’t ready to get up and go now!

 

This has always been my favorite song, off of my favorite album as well.  Man that stache was so eipc.

A classic.  And an instant mood booster.  Even if it just reminds you of Wayne’s World.

Ok, this video is about as random as the song is.  But I have good memories that stem from it.  Particularly the summer of that the FIGS came to America.  FIGS = Fun Irish Guys.  We spent a quiet car ride heading to brunch (they ordered liver and steaks for brunch, btw) until one of them stuck his head out the car window shouting this at every biker we passed.  Yes, it seems annoying now, but we sure thought it was cute at the time.  I’m a sucker for an accent, that’s for sure.  But this is a story for another time.

 

 

 

 

 

Comedy Central called. They’re on a hiring freeze.

There is a fine line between funny and obnoxious.  I’ve been known to walk that line myself from time to time.  I think everyone has.  Unless of course you just aren’t funny and that’s too bad. But I won’t be the one to tell you that you aren’t.  My problem is with habitual obnoxiousness.  I don’t know if that’s even a word, but whatever.  A little bit can go a long way.  You all know these people.  They’re your boss, or your neighbor, or even a friend. Or all of the above if you’re un-lucky.  I’m no stranger to hating on stuff, but I am never going to go up to you and tell you that you suck (even if you do)or say mean things to you.  Unless of course I’m super pissed, but then its not a joke, is it? But some of you just do it ALL THE TIME.  I can see that you are laughing , but seriously, you just look like a d-bag.

I guess all of this goes without saying, but I’ve just been suffering from obnoxious overload lately and wanted to vent about it.

You know who you are people.  Knock it off.