Mondays suck. Everyone knows that. But I will not say that Mondays with a two-year old are worse. I repeat. I will not say that Mondays with a two-year old are worse. Monday mornings are just slightly more challenging. Uh, slightly. Right.
We are really lucky. Ava is a really sweet little girl. She has her bratty moments like all kids, but overall she’s been really good. She’s also been fairly textbook, so I knew the terrible-twos were going to come right on schedule. And like all toddlers, she likes everything just so. Ava turned two in late September and I swear to God the very next day our mornings completely changed. Like “I’m two now, I should be able to do whatever I want.” I have never seen a child do such a 180. She used to wake up raring to go and excited to get out to see her friends. She’d wolf down her breakfast and then follow me around the house until I was ready. But it’s like someone turned on a turtle switch. She likes to dawdle in the morning. She wants to talk for a while before she gets out of bed, which is cute, but time-consuming. And now she likes to be consulted on her outfit for the day. “No hippo shirt.” Even socks can be a fight. The day she wanted cookie monster socks when the cookie monster socks were lost in the hamper was an especially difficult morning. After we finally make it out of her room its time for her to eat breakfast. I let her watch cartoons while she eats so I can have a few minutes to finish getting ready for work. She used to call for me before I was ready. But now I come down and she’s finished four bites. I tried turning the tv off, but if her show wasn’t over she raised holy hell and still didn’t eat. And once her show is over and I finally get her to eat her breakfast and get her cleaned up she wants to play instead. “I color now.” or “I’m a princess, I want wand.” And then I have to convince her to leave her blanket behind. This alone takes ten full minutes. My husband tries to help but she is a momma’s girl. “Mommy do it.” When everything is all said and done its been an hour and a half. This does not include the time I spent getting ready, making her breakfast and walking the dog before she even gets up. I love my child more than anything, but I could totally use a Monday morning nanny. If said nanny can help avoid torn stockings and spilled coffee while she’s at it that would be great. I’m taking recommendations. I’ll pay them in trident layers.
She will kill me for this someday, but this is the face of my Monday morning toddler.
This also the point when I walk away. There is no discussing anything with her until she’s finished, so its best to tell her that I’m sorry she’s upset, leave the room and count to ten and then come back. This lets her get it all out and lets keep my sanity. Having a child has done wonders for my ability to deal with difficult people. Seriously, your best bet in any argument is to say you’re sorry you feel that way, leave the room for a breather and regain your patience and then try to talk rationally. There’s no dealing with anyone (at any age) when they get to temper tantrum status.
So if anyone needs to reach me at the crack of dawn for any reason, please feel free to call. I’ll be up!
Mommy Needs A Pinot 
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