Can someone please explain this to me?

Good Lord.

Spotted

You guys can say what you want, but I couldn’t help myself.  I spotted these bad boys at the bank.  I was at least discreet when I took this picture. I think. There were always those rumors about Tom Cruise wearing lifts to look taller, but I don’t think I have ever seen them up close and personal until now.

That is at least an inch thick in the front of the sole and what – two, three inches in the back?  Poor man.  My co-worker didn’t believe me until he googled and found other examples:

I don’t really know what’s going on in the picture below, but it seemed fitting.  Does Arnold wear lifts?

There is really no excuse for these. There is nothing wrong with being short fellas.  Embrace it!

Disclaimer:  I realize that some people have one leg shorter than the other and I am not making fun of it.  Look closely and you will see they are both the same shoe (do I still look like a jerk?)

I’ve been on Charlie Sheen for years.

I was born with tiger blood in my veins.  As an event planner, I have to come up with clever swag for each event.  Fortunately, I spent a good portion of my youth planning my own events (ok, ok. Keg parties.)  Somewhere in between youth and adulthood, I started planning something in between.  I used to have Julyoween every summer.  I tried to trademark it, but unfortunately you can’t trademark parties.  I’m dead serious.  I really tried to trademark a party.  In 2006, aka the “Summer of Whitney,” (quit your job, decide on where your life is going, spend your savings, party like a rockstar.) I decided to make Julyoween huge.  For those of you that haven’t put it together yet, Julyoween is Halloween in July.  I love dressing up so much that I need halloween twice a year.  I had it at a local music club and it almost sold out the entire place.  We had bands, a dj, games, etc.  So I created t-shirts for prizes and actually managed to sell most of them as well.  The best one:

I was so ahead of my time people.  As a product of the 1990s with a sense of humor always borderline stupid, I created a whole “line” of shirts based on bands in the 90s. The Charlie Sheen shirt was fashioned after an old Rage Against the Machine album (single)cover.  So I’m putting them back into rotation.  I’m working on getting all of my shirts up on an etsy account, but if you’re interested in joining in on the Charlie Sheen bandwagon, you can start here:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/whitney9780

Ah, self promotion at its best.  I hope to have the shop completed by this weekend, so stay tuned.

Steven Tyler has gone bananas.

Someone get me an appointment with Steven Tyler’s plastic surgeon.  Not because I want any work done or anything.  But because I want to smack him.  Steven has always had that signature mug with that huge mouth.  I bet he could eat his mic if he wanted to.  But is it me, or is something slightly off these days?  Take a look:

Look familiar?

That’s because he looks like he’s just walked off the set of Planet of the Apes.

I mean, I imagine Steven’s face may show age more than others.  Dude’s had some hard living.  But when you’re starting to resemble your primate counterpart its time to take a time out.

Jeremy London Update

Jeremy London and his wife have both signed on for celebrity rehab.  This almost makes me want to watch just to hear the stories that come out of his mouth.  Almost.

Night Night Linds

I knew that skank was going to the clink!  I’ve been waiting for it for months.  Look at that stupid ‘fuck you’ she has written on her fingernail. This girl is really something else.  The sentence was even more harsh than the prosecutors asked for.  Ninety days in jail followed by ninety days in rehab.  I think 180 days in rehab would probably do her more good, but she totally had this coming.  Who knows how much time she’ll actually serve.  And I am now retracting my statement about her in my last blog calling on her as a new bff for Jeremy London.  Sorry Jeremy, Lindsay is busy.
Perhaps Paris Hilton will give her a buzz to offer some advice.

London calling, er, falling

In light of the recent Jeremy London “kidnapping” and a reference to his brother found in my friend’s blog (http://caffeineandcupcakes.blogspot.com/2010/06/crazy-video-deconstructed.html) I started doing some serious thinking about these two. I’ve always had a hard time telling them apart and who has done what. I just knew that one was slightly cuter than the other.  (That is unfortunately no longer the case.) I was never able to answer who was in Party of Five and who was in Dazed and Confused.  Probably because I never got into Party of Five.  So I’m going to get it straight once and for all and keep it posted so I can refer back to it easily.  Well, at least the well-known stuff.  I have no desire to make an IMDB sized list.

Jason:

The Man in the Moon

To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar

Dazed and Confused

*Wow- it looks as though I’ve missed some classics here….Wasabi Tuna, A Midsummer Night’s Rave, Alien Cargo…sound like classics.  I’m netflixing immediately

Jeremy:

Mall Rats  -still a personal fav

Party of Five

7th Heaven

Ok, so neither of them have had stellar careers exactly,  but they are still somewhat memorable when you think of the 90s.

But wtf Jeremy?  Have you seen yourself lately?  I could ride that bloat on your face up a river if I wanted to.  That stupid kidnapping story is so absurd that I can’t decide whether its funny or angering.  I guess I did sort of laugh. If Rick James was still with us I think he would probably have been in that car.  And now Jeremy is suing his mother and brother to keep them from talking to the media about him, because they have given unauthorized interviews that included “false statements” about him that have damaged his reputation and career.  Yes, that must be it.  I was wondering where it all went wrong.

Look at Jason, Jeremy!  So his career isn’t exactly A list either, but at least he isn’t a cracked out fat face.

Jason:

Jeremy:

Someone get Blohan on the horn, we’ve got a new bff for her.  I’d be surprised if they haven’t hooked up already.

You know why? Thugs and Criminals.

Well, this guy has my vote.