Disclaimer

Last weekend I wrote a blog and have since taken it down because someone I know took it as a personal attack. It had zero to do with him whatsoever but I took it down anyway.  In retrospect I wish I had left it up because it wasn’t an attack on anyone. Even my husband said he was disappointed in my decision to remove it.

This is my space for my thoughts and feelings. If I have to keep them guarded here then what’s the point? I’m not a mean-spirited person and I do not ever go out of my way to attack anyone. Unless of course you are Lindsay Lohan because I can’t seem to lay off that one.  Sorry Linds.

So if you  find yourself offended by any of my comments please just close the tab, because this is my blog. The internet is a big place. Read something else.

Mystery Package

As I mentioned previously (Swap It To Me,)  I’ve started using swap.com.  I did not anticipate getting so into it.  Although I never really do. And now I’ve got one more online distraction to add to ever-growing list. I’ve already made four swaps and I’m pretty pleased with the results. But today something strange happened. I got two packages and I was only expecting one.  I have no idea who this person is that sent me the other package, but it contained an old beat up copy of “The Dreamer’s Dictionary.”  ‘From A to Z, 3000 Magical Mirrors to Reveal the Meaning of Your Dreams.’  I definitely did not swap anyone for this. It’s just not something I’d ever pick up to read. No offense to anyone that might, I don’t have anything against it. It’s just not something that would pique my interest. And it was printed in 1975. Unless I’m in a used book store, I am not going to go out of my way for anything this old.

So me being me, I daydreamed this entire wacky scenario in which I have been sent this book with some sort of evil spirit in it that will now be haunting my dreams. My imagination has never quite aged with the rest of me. It still tends to run quite wild at times. But seriously, why in the world did this guy send me this book? I don’t even know where Evans Mills, NY is. Pretty sure this means Freddy Kruegar is after me. So if you guys don’t hear from me, call a detective, would you?

This was all meant to be sort of funny, but I’m pretty sure I’ve just come off as a crazy person. Eh. I’m okay with that.

The Itch

I guess it’s getting to be time, because I am really itching for baby #2. The terrible twos have been rough, but Ava is really pretty easy in comparison to some other kids I’ve been around.  I think I can mentally have another at this point.  I am truly amazed by those women that have babies back to back because I know I could not do it.  I definitely know my limits.  And two tiny ones would not be manageable for me.  Ava will be three in September and I think she would be thrilled with a sibling.  She loves babies. Two of her little friends now have baby brothers and she can’t keep herself away from them.  Nor can I for that matter.  I can’t hold those tiny, precious things enough.

The hubby and I have been talking about it a lot and I think once the year comes to a close we’ll really do it.  I’m just nervous we aren’t ready.  He just applied to grad school and I just signed up for classes myself.  I’ve got two four-hour classes coming up this weekend alone.  I’m also gearing up to apply for my CSEP certification and I just took on some side work as a Social Media Specialist.  Ava starts dance classes on Saturdays this month and then she has Friday afternoon music classes starting at the end of summer and we are all going to California in June.  And then throw in life in general. I just got really tired typing all of that.  Five years ago I would’ve laughed at all of this.  Not only would I have laughed, but I probably would’ve been confused.  And then I would’ve been on my way to happy hour.  Life is funny that way. It doesn’t take long for things to change completely. But I see other busy moms managing multiple kids and some of them even make it look easy.  I suppose I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle it all.

I can’t forget how expensive kids are.  I’ve learned a thing or two after having Ava, but I still just went to Target and bought her five new outfits. And a soccer ball.  And sunglasses….I don’t even want to finish.  I literally cannot get in and out of that store without spending $100.  I should be banned from that store.  Don’t bother asking me what else I bought because I’ve already forgotten.  Maybe we’ll have another girl and we’ll be able to give her Ava’s hand-me-downs.  We’ve given some stuff away, but I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of a lot of it. But a little boy would just be so wonderful.

And then we’ll probably need a bigger house. We only have two bedrooms.  But I don’t know whether we can afford a bigger place right now.  And neither of us are ready to move any further south of the city and our neighborhood is certainly not getting any cheaper.  I just don’t feel prepared for another one. But will we ever really be prepared?  I don’t see us getting any less busy and I don’t see a lottery win in our future, but I just don’t know if I can wait much longer. Lord knows we didn’t know what we were doing the first time. That may be why I am so paranoid about being prepared this time. All I know is my clock is ticking and I want to have another one while I’m still fairly young.

Excuse while I go and find an episode of Teen Mom.  That should do the trick.

 

 

Confession

I am an addicted to diet soda. Yes, I realize that is a ridiculous statement.  Ridiculous, but still true. I have tried to quit drinking them many times over the years and I always end up crashing after a month or so and then I’m guzzling them again.  I worked for the American Beverage Association years ago and we had refrigerators full of whatever kind of soda, juice, energy drinks, tea, etc. that we wanted.   And so I started drinking them all day long.  Literally all day long.  That’s when my addiction started.  And from there on out I was drinking a soda everyday. Sometimes two. And sometimes more on the weekend. And in those days I may or may not have thrown rum in them on nights out.  So who knows how many I was throwing back those days.  It’s really pretty gross when you think about it.

Every so often I come across an article telling me how bad diet sodas are and how they are still making me fat even without the sugar of a regular soda. And then I think that maybe I won’t drink them anymore. But then I think, really?  It’s not like its heroin.  It’s not like I’m smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.  Can’t I have any vice?  And so I ignore it. Last week I read something in the Washington Post about it and I decided to think about it.  Whatever that means.  And then today I came across this in Jezebel: http://jezebel.com/5816114/your-diet-coke-problem-is-actually-a-problem

Hold the presses.  Now my lady blogs are telling me to stop?  This shit is real Whit.  Time to stop.  So I’m going to give it a try. Again.  The first few days are the worst.  You’d think I was giving up something much more serious. It makes me so cranky. Not to mention exhausted. I pretty much survive on a constant flow of caffeine.  Wish me luck.

I googled “No Sodas” and this is what popped up. God I hope I turn into a into a rapper/cook.  Look at all the baking soda I would ave instead!  And I bet I’d make some killer mix tapes.

WHAT?

 

 

 

Superbowl Sunday Pins

Ah, Superbowl Sunday.  Normally I would find some excitement in this, but this year I can’t say I care that much.  After last summer’s nonsense with the potential lock-out and the constant stream of unimportant football updates, I went into this season already annoyed at all of it. And as usual, my poor Redskins are the most disappointing team in the league.  Maybe the world. I gave up in the end and just stopped watching.  It was ruining my Sundays. This year I’m taking Ava over to watch the game with some girlfriends.  I think maybe one girl in the group might actually care about football, so it will be a different vibe this year anyway.  Hopefully it will be better than last year’s circus, but with Madonna as the halftime performance, its really hard to say.  I guess I wouldn’t mind seeing old muppetface Manning lose.  “Must hate the Giants” was placed into my subconscious as early as the womb, so I am always happy to see them lose.  So, go Patriots I guess.

But besides football, bad music, 1000 commercials, and general nonsense, what’s the most important thing about today?  Food of course.  So after all my blathering, here are my pins for the week.  All about party snacks. Maybe I’ll actually try to make something today when I’m finished.

Let’s start with an easy one:

What’s easier and more delicious than 7-layer dip?  These are more time-consuming than just making one tray of it, because you have to fill individual cups, but the result is super cute.

Yummmmmm.  Homemade mozzarella sticks.  I want one right now.  I don’t have a deep fryer and lord knows I am not going there, so I would try to bake these instead.  Instructions:

http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Mozzarella-Sticks-2?pmcode=IKLDC05S&_mid=838832&_rid=838832.650200.781355

Pizza bites. Easy, delicious and cheap. My husband would go nuts over these. Instructions are here:

http://penniesonaplatter.com/2010/02/15/pizza-bites/

My aunt makes an antipasto platter for every occasion. Birthdays, Thanksgiving, whatever.  So that’s pretty much a given for me.  I thought these kabobs were a cute update on that. These are a no-brainer for me. But for those  of you without relatives that think they are italian, can find instructions here:

http://www.thehungryhousewife.com/2011/02/antipasto-kabobs.html

I’ve made this a couple of times now and it’s always a hit.  And actually pretty healthy.  It’s not always easy to find fresh corn on the cob this time of year, but it’s actually a must.  I tried to make it with frozen corn once despite the instructions not to, because it was all I could find, but it just wasn’t the same.  Instructions:

http://www.onceuponachef.com/2010/08/black-bean-salad-with-corn-red-peppers-avocado-lime-cilantro-vinaigrette.html

These are cute and super easy.  And a great sweet treat for kids.  Ava would love these.  Just chocolate chips and rasberries. Clearly my theme for today is easy.

I just had breakfast and now I’m hungry again.  Great.

It’s been real, Tampa

Thanks for a great week Tampa, home to the most strip clubs I have ever seen in my life.  Not seen from the inside of course, but seen on the sides of the roads.  Not to mention tattoo parlors, and pirates.  Apparently I was in town just in time for Gasparilla, their annual pirate festival: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gasparilla_Pirate_Festival   I guess its exciting, as it had a very Mardi Gras feel to it, but I guess I’m just not into pirates. I did end up attending a pirate themed brunch, which still turned out to be a pretty cool event. I stayed in the historic district of Ybor City, which turned out to be a pretty cool place as well.  It was originally founded in the 1880s by cigar manufacturers and was populated by thousands of immigrants, mainly from Cuba, Spain and Italy. For the next 50 years, workers in Ybor City’s cigar factories would roll millions of cigars annually.  But now the blocks are filled with restaurants, nightlife and I guess shopping.  But the shopping was pretty lackluster, unless you’re searching for outfits you might want to wear on next week’s Jersey Shore. The district is really a party town.  I heard that Ybor City is referenced in the lyrics of the band The Hold Steady a lot.  I hate that band, but it has nothing to do with location.  The song “Killer Parties,” for instance, contains the line “Ybor City is très speedy, but they throw such killer parties.” Whatever. But if you’re ever in town, I can recommend the neighborhood.  It wasn’t as pretty as downtown around the convention center, where I spent the majority of my time, but it had more character and more to do.

It’s also home to GaYbor.  I wound up eating dinner in a place called “Hamburger Mary’s,” a hamburger joint/drag club and it had the sweetest boys working there.  I have to say I really enjoyed that cheeseburger. Not that I’ve ever met a cheeseburger that I don’t like.

Before this trip I had never eaten in a restaurant alone, but I managed to do it for the first time and feel comfortable.  I also met a lot of great people and some great girls to go out with one night. I had a blast. I also worked my butt off and learned a lot.  I saw some really amazing things and some really over the top things. For example:

These poor ladies couldn’t move.  I almost wonder if there was a tiny chair under there.  I can’t imagine throwing an event where I would find this necessary.

Same goes for this woman, except for what she’s showcasing.  A closer look:

BEDAZZLED BON BONS. I had one of these bad boys and it was everything I dreamed it would be and more. I could plan an entire event around these delights.

Did I mention that it was 80 degrees all week? My flip-flops did not want to go back in the suitcase, I assure you.  Next time I’ll rent a car and actually get to the beach.  But I’m glad to be home. So is my mini-me.

You can tell here that someone else has been dressing her.  Bless him.

Now, the diet starts tomorrow.  No more room service. Or cheeseburgers.

And some days are hard

Patience is truly a virtue my friends.  And it’s not something I have in abundance. Add that to an anxiety disorder and you sometimes come up with less than fun results.  I have it in check most of the time, but it raises its ugly head once in a while. I’ve been running on fumes lately and I’m exhausted. And now I’ve got a cold. So I’m already a bit cranky to begin with. Now enter a clingy two-year old. She’s my mini-me and I love spending time with her more than anyone else, but good lord sometimes I just need five minutes to breathe.  Even on a good day.  But she is going through a “mommy phase” and does not want to hang out with daddy. All kids this age are all about mommy, but she doesn’t want him to do anything. She won’t even let him help her wash her hands after she eats. Every attempt ends up with a screaming “No! Mommy do it!”  Today she even told him he couldn’t talk to me. “Don’t talk to mommy. She’s not your mommy.  She’s MY mommy.”  Poor guy is trying to help, but she is having no part in it. And therefore I cannot get a break. Plus, I know it really hurts his feelings.  She will get over this phase soon I’m sure, but he likes to play with her and he’s really pulling out all the stops to no avail.

Today I played, colored, ate, crafted, etc. through sheer exhaustion, because that’s what mommies do(and what I enjoy doing,) but a headbutt to the chin causing me to bite my lip almost sent me into tailspin. You would’ve thought  I’d been punched in a face by a grown man.  Ava wanted an afternoon bath and I gladly agreed and had my husband come upstairs to keep an eye on her so I could hide in my bathroom and cry it out and get rid of the stupid shakes. It was ridiculous how upset I was. Sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me and it is the absolute worst. Especially on days like today because it forced me to walk away from my kid. But its walk away or lose my shit in front of her and I  just don’t want that.  And then my husband walks in to witness it and thinks he’s done something wrong, when of course he hasn’t, so now I’ve got guilt on top of everything else and it just makes the anxiety attack that much longer.

Curse you “I don’t let my kid watch tv” moms, because its 5pm and I’ve just sat Ava down in front of ‘Super Why?’ and that’s where she’ll stay until dinner.  Because on rare occasions my mental health has to come first.  But now that I’ve typed this all up I feel so much better.  Blogging really can be cathartic at times. Maybe I’ll be back after Ava’s bedtime to complain about the Golden Globes and Madonna’s scary arms.

Florida Freak-out

In two weeks I head to Florida for a conference for work.  Alone.  No husband.  No child. I am a little excited, but I’m also starting to freak out. I made the mistake of trying to tell Ava about it thinking it would be better for her to know than be confused when I’m gone.  But she understood immediately and was pissed and told me I could not go.  “No, you stay with me.” I’ll be gone for four nights and my poor husband is really in for it (chuckle.) He does really well with her, but she is still a momma’s girl.  She wants to be with me every possible second. If it weren’t for having my dog follow me into the bathroom for the past ten years or so, I would probably be disappointed at having company every time I go in.  I can’t really remember the last time I was in a restroom alone outside of work now that I think of it.  But women travel in pairs anyway, right?  I know she’s really going to miss me and the guilt is really setting in already. Fortunately my schedule is fairly packed, so I’ll be busy enough to be distracted most of the time. Although I did manage to leave a few hours free one afternoon to hit the beach is the weather agrees.  Why not take advantage of the location? I have a friend that recently moved down there that I hope to have dinner with, but otherwise I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself in the evenings. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I’m paired up with some fun people and have someone to explore with.

How do women travel for work like this all the time without freaking out? Am I abnormally attached to my child?  Any tips to keep my freak-out at bay would be much appreciated.

Back to work. Joy.

I went back to work yesterday after being off for ten days. I don’t think I need to tell anyone that this was slightly difficult. But besides the usual getting back into the routine difficulty, Ava threw a tantrum the size of King Kong when we got to daycare.  She did not want me to leave her again. Not at all. I got in my car and cried I felt so badly about it. Today of course she was fine and happy to go and see her friends, but sheesh yesterday was unreal. She kept screaming about how she wanted to go to work too.  Which is actually slightly hilarious because she thinks that work is a magical place where everyone gets to go but her.  That and the gym.  I could tell her my husband is anywhere and she still says “No, Daddy went to gym” and pouts as if I were lying to her.  “Gramma at gym?” “Mimi at work?”  I tried to explain to her that grown-ups go to the gym to exercise and now she copies my exercising at home.  Check out the form on these crunches:

ABS OF STEEL

Now, if only I could get abs of steel. At least I did really go to the gym last night.

Do we stay or do we go?

I see you  2012.  And the annual “do we go out or do we stay in?” dilemma is upon us. Before we headed home from Christmas dinner the in-laws offered to keep Ava so we could go out on New Year’s Eve.  I just laughed.  Because sadly, we have nothing to do!  Do we spend a bunch of money and get all dolled up for an all-you-can-drink event?  Negative.  Do we sit at the neighborhood bar and drink ourselves silly?  Negative.  Do we have a party and deal with the mess?  I don’t think so.  Do we go to a movie and call it a night?  Maybe.  But we do have some people we’d like to spend time with.  But what to do?

To be honest, I have never been a big fan of New Year’s events.  It’s always anti-climatic.  You make these grand plans, go out and buy a new outfit, put on too much make-up and expect something magical to happen.  But it generally ends up being just like any other night, or its a night stuffed in tight quarters with a bunch of drunken fools spilling stuff on your new shoes.  Aka. Amateur night.

I don't want to hang out with any of you.

I guess I have three days to figure this out. What are you guys doing for New Years?