I finally got the devil baby, I mean my darling child, to go to bed for the evening. So let’s get down to business. Golden Globes business. I typically turn on the pre-show before the awards so I can see what everyone is wearing, but I got started a little late last night. The first person I saw was Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. And I heard Brad’s voice. His voice is just so very…Brad? I just kept wondering to myself, how does one wake-up every morning to Brad Pitt? Besides the very obvious fact that he’s gorgeous. His voice is so beautiful. I think I would wake up in awe every single morning. You’re a lucky woman, Angelina. You blood wearing, self-harming, girl-interrupted, you.
I usually tune-in early and turn it off early as well because I just get so bored with it all. They recap the winners the next day, what’s the big deal? But I was oddly into it last night. Seth Rogen was actually funny. I used to think he was funny, but then he turned into that Ben Stiller funny. As in, he played virtually the same exact character every single role. It wears thin after awhile. But I actually found myself laughing. I was also thrilled that Peter Dinklage won for his role in Game of Thrones (Nerds Unite!) Jessica Lange looked amazing and I love that she kept her speech short. Pretty sure she’s had some serious stuff done to her face, but I guess I just expect it at this point. She’s no Joan Rivers yet. Clive Owen looked delicious as always and I was surprised as all get out to see Matt LeBlanc. I had no idea he was still on tv. Jury is still out whether or not he and Tony Danza might actually be related.
But I have a couple of questions. Let’s start with Thomas Jane. Why in the world are you wearing that stupid hat? Were you hoping that people would talk about your hat and not your penis for one evening? My guess is that you were probably successful in that venture.
Sarah Michelle Gellar – please excuse my french, but what the fuck is that dress?
Really, wtf? Tie -dye? Who wears tie-dye to an awards show? Or maybe anywhere for that matter. She said that she let her two-year old pick out her dress. That’s actually code, meaning she looked in the mirror before she left the house and knew that the dress was wrong. It was probably just too late to take it off. A stylist may be fired over that one. Freddie must have been doing his hair when this decision was being made.
And Madonna, what, who, where? I don’t even know how to start. I used to love you. I had respect for you. You were a trail-blazer. But what exactly is that accent? Pretty sure you grew up in Detroit. Is that how they speak in Michigan these days? And that foreign movies introduction. Pretty sure I filled my nightly quota of pretentious right there. So thanks. But I certainly will be sure not to say anything about it if I ever meet you. Because your arms are terrifying. Truly, I would not mess with you. This picture does not do them justice, but its close enough for me to be uncomfortable. And unlike Jessica Lange, your face is in dangerous territory. Keep it up and you will achieve Joan Rivers status.
The best part of the evening though was Morgan Freeman being honored with the Cecil B. DeMille Award. To be praised by film great Sidney Poitier is honor enough. I loved every minute of his introduction. As well as Helen Mirren’s part. That woman is just delightful. Oddly enough, I was actually surprised during Freeman’s film montage. I’m sure most people were. Who knew he was on a kid’s show?
Hilarious, albeit a bit strange.
If anyone has an explanation for the above fashion choices, please let me know.