If you were here right now I would hit you. I still get angry at you sometimes and call you a jackass. But then I say I’m sorry and that I miss you. Do you remember when we would blast Bjork’s “It’s Oh So Quiet” on repeat on our way out for the night? We would sing at the top of our lungs. I’m not even sure how you drove we would get so into it. We would listen to Mark Ronson’s ” Version” from start to finish and dance our butts off. There are so few people in this world that I’ve allowed to see my amazingly bad dance moves for, but I would just let loose. From the second we met it was like that with you. There was an instant comfort level. We were so inseparable those years. It was like I had the brother I’d always wanted. My friends became your friends and yours became mine. It was perfect. You drove me insane sometimes and worried me half to death with your partying. And then you’d go into hibernation and I’d literally turn up at your door and make you hang out with me whether you wanted to or not. I was that annoying little sister. I couldn’t help it. We spoke every single day and I worried when I didn’t hear from you.
We spent that entire “Summer of Whitney” as partners in crime. Every single day we were together. Looking back of course I wish we hadn’t spent most of our 20s in bars. But no one can tell us we didn’t have a blast. I miss those days. I miss your voice and your infectious laugh. No one in this world had a laugh as ridiculous as yours. And you laughed at everything. I’m chuckling as I type this just remembering it. I miss that stupid lacrosse poster you had in your house. I miss watching the Fat Man when you went out-of-town. I miss that beat up old red Jeep of yours. And calling you at the crack of dawn and telling you to come pick me up for work. “Bring coffee.” You always did.
It made me sad when things got weird in the end. I don’t know what happened. You pushed me away. I tried to reach out, but I didn’t know what the problem was or how to fix it. And then you were gone. I have my ideas now of course but I won’t say them out loud. We can keep them between us. So today is your birthday and if you were here I would hit you and ask you why you were so stupid. But then I would say I was sorry and I’d take you out for tequila. Happy birthday darlin.