What, are you writing for Leno now?

12 Aug

There is nothing less funny, or annoying for that matter, than a person who thinks they are funny when they really aren’t.  You know that guy.  We all know that guy.  He’s the one walking around impersonating Borat like anyone has given a shit in three years, not to mention that the movie sucked anyway.  But you’re just glad he stopped repeating every line from Anchorman that he had been reciting since 2004 so you let it go.  Or better yet the person who runs around yelling “I’m Rick James Bitch!”  You’re not Dave Chapelle.  There’s that one neighbor that you try to duck from but always seems to be getting home at the same time as you. You try to pretend like you’re digging around your car for something to waste time so he’ll go in the house.  But no matter, they’re going to wait for you so you can chat.  And then as always, he starts talking about his day as if his boss is Steve Carrell, although the events of the day aren’t funny and you’re pretty sure he made half of it up anyway. Then he laughs like he’s Chris Rock on a HBO special and fifteen minutes have passed and you still haven’t made it to your door, despite the subtle tiny steps you’ve been making trying to get there.  Then there’s the guy from high school that you manage to run into every time you go out.  Your best attempts at hiding behind the person next to you never work and you’re always spotted.  Next thing you know you’re “catching up” and listening to the same borderline racist jokes, (lame accent included) he tells you every time you see him.  The indian guy behind the counter at 7-11 talks like what?  Say something else.  Oh, wait, I get it.  Hilarious!

These people kill me.  And lately I seem to be surrounded by them.  There is this one chick that always talks to me in a british accent.  Well, a british accent to her.  I have yet to figure out what it actually is, other than terrible.  Mind you, there is no real reason for her to be speaking in a british accent anyway.  She just does it because she thinks its funny, not caring that it has nothing to do with the actual subject matter.   Is that you Gwyneth Paltrow?

And all things aside here people, I think I’m pretty funny.  At least some of the time.  But I know when I’m not funny.  And I think that’s key.  Although then I think back to how unfunny I was and then I laugh at myself.  A win-win for me really.

So I’m trying to figure out what to do to let these people know they aren’t funny without looking like a total jerk.  I’ve tried the avoidance thing.  It clearly doesn’t work.  And if they aren’t catching on to that, they aren’t going to catch on to your fake laughter either.  Now, if it’s a friend of mine that tells me a lame joke, I tell them it was a lame joke.  But what about everyone else?  Give them a blank stare?  Pretend you’re just stupid and tell them you don’t get it?  I’m starting to think there is no way around this.  I just have to be a jerk.  “Hey, that wasn’t funny.”  I’m doing them a favor, right?

Also not funny by the way, is the facebook group “People that think they are funny that really aren’t.”!/pages/People-That-Think-They-Are-FUNNY-When-They-Are-NOT/182160831183?v=wall

Not that that’s a surprise.  No I don’t want to buy one of your t-shirts.  I just spent my money traveling back in time to the 90s to pick up one of those I’m with Stupid shirts.  You remember…they had the arrow underneath it so the person next to you is stupid. Get it?

I really do strive to be nice.  But my patience only goes so far. Someone please tell me how to deal with these people.  Let me know and I’ll give you my I’m stuck with Stupid shirt.


3 Responses to “What, are you writing for Leno now?”

  1. theweeklyargus August 12, 2010 at 9:35 pm #

    I agree with you. I’m not a fan of people quoting movies–especially movies that weren’t even funny to begin with.

    However, I’ve found the best thing to do to those people is to gag them, tie their hands behind their back, take off their clothes, and give them full body massages. That helps every situation, really.

  2. Conflicted Mean Girl August 13, 2010 at 5:26 pm #

    Start by giving up the struggle to be nice. It’s not worth it. I’ve found my permascowl at work has done wonders for my alone time. People don’t even bother saying hello to me, let alone tell me a bad joke.

    I on the other hand am hilarious and anyone who doesn’t think so is just crazy and I don’t want to be around them anyway… 😉

    If all else fails you could go passive aggressive (“Oh, that was a joke? I guess I didn’t get it. hmmph”) maybe they’ll feel stupid and stop trying.

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