So I was just denied a friend request on facebook. This has never happened to me. If this was five, ok, three years ago, I would probably be very upset. But now I find it hilarious. I’ve known this person since high school. Let’s call him “the Hottie” as it is pretty close to his nickname in high school. I don’t think its necessary for me to mention how many years ago this was. He was a year older than me and dated a friend of mine, which is how I was initially introduced. I had previously watched him from afar and I seriously thought he was the coolest guy ever. But as a sophomore I pretty much thought every older guy was the coolest ever. And then I got to know him.
The first time I heard his voice was through a telephone while talking to my friend “Allison, where is that bowl with all the holes in it?” After five minutes of back and forth we realized he was looking for the colander. Genius. Then time went on and they broke up and she moved across country. But we had mutual friends and still hung out. The next thing I know he’s off getting a tattoo. Which seemed extra cool at that age. Turns out he went and got a flesh-colored tattoo. That’s right, a tattoo that you can only see if you know it’s there. A flesh-colored lizard. Awesome. The next thing I know I’m hanging out at his house with some friends. We went upstairs into his room where I discovered his recording equipment. Here I am thinking he’s a musician and I’m getting ready to ask him about it when he explains that he records all of his telephone conversations with people so he can remember them. At 16 I guess I didn’t find it that weird. I was not a smart 16 year old.
Then came the period of time when I realized he was really a crazy person. A sweet, kind crazy person. But crazy is crazy. He started delivering pizzas in his sweet Suzuki. You always knew it was him because his passenger door was a different color. He smoked so much pot while driving around I don’t know how he didn’t actually eat the pizzas he was delivering. But other than that, I will leave out the details just in case someone ever tells him about this. Except for this one story, because it’s too good not to tell. The hottie was a big fan of the Howard Stern show. He used to call in occasionally and they’d actually take his calls. He recorded them all of course. In 2001 they spent a few days talking about the Chandra Levy case. So the hottie thinks it would be funny to call in the show to discuss. Actually, I don’t know what he was thinking, he could have been serious for all I know. But he told Stern that he was out on the Potomac that morning and saw “Chandra Levy’s big jewish nose floating up the river.” So that did it. Stern is Jewish and he was pissed, so he banned the hottie from calling into the show.
The last time I saw this person was three years ago getting thrown out of a bar. He was yelling my name across the room as he spotted me, but I pretended I didn’t know him. I think after all of this I would deny me as a friend too. And because he did this, I still think he’s the coolest guy ever.