Sailor mom

19 Apr

A lot of things change when you have a baby.   And in my case, I’ve found them to all be for the better.  Although adjusting can be difficult initially.  You basically don’t sleep for two months, shower less frequently than you want to admit, eat take-out four times a week and for people like me (ahem, control freaks) its like starting anew.  You have to learn to accept help from others.  And ask for it.  But I’ve been fortunate, my little one is the sweetest baby I’ve ever come across.  And I’m not just saying that because she’s mine.  She’s a good eater, she started sleeping through the night weeks before having to head back to work, allowing me to regroup and she’s always smiling.  Seriously, she’s the happiest little thing I’ve ever seen (I’m knocking on wood as we speak.)

But I find that there’s still one habit that I just can’t kick.  Cursing like a motherfucking sailor.  I just really, really like cursing.  Nothing gets a point across better than the f word.  I know its unattractive.  I know it’s not “lady like.”   But I find that I just don’t give a shit.  When you’ve been talking this way for well over a decade its hard to stop.  I read a study not too long ago that said that cursing after hurting yourself would actually make you feel better.  I couldn’t agree more.  But I find that I’m starting to imagine getting called in for teacher conferences because my child has said “get bent asshole” or something of the like to one of her classmates.  While I find that hilarious on one hand, I think I prefer hearing that kind of stuff about other people’s kids.  We weren’t allowed to swear as kids, but we were allowed more leeway than some.

For example, my mother recently found a notebook of some “artwork” my sister did.  Here’s a gem:

This is probably where it all started.  My sister has a potty mouth too.

Maybe I’ll try a swear jar.  Momma’s got new shoes on the brain.  But I’m afraid it will turn into something like this:


4 Responses to “Sailor mom”

  1. Ashley April 19, 2010 at 5:20 pm #

    My brother cursed like crazy for about 3 months due to my sisters unrestrained use of the F word. But the best mimic ever was when he was about 4 and he was getting annoyed about eating his entire dinner and stormed off announcing, “I’m going to have a cigarette.” just like my mother does when she’s mad.

  2. Diana April 19, 2010 at 6:41 pm #


    I can share all the notebooks we had from high school. They pretty much blow your sisters out of the water.

  3. Diana April 19, 2010 at 6:43 pm #

    And as a kindergarten teacher- when a child curses we ususally know which parent has the potty mouth based on the delivery. So your pretty much screwed.

  4. Mandy April 20, 2010 at 8:28 pm #

    This is perfect for you: It continually makes me laugh.

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